Clair de la lune

Matthew 5:16
“Let your light so shine before men that they may see your moral excellence and your praiseworthy, noble, and good deeds and recognize and honour and praise and glorify your Father who is in heaven.”
My parents named me Clare Felicity; it’s a lot to live up to. It means bright, clear, light, illustrious and happy. But for at least a week (probably longer) my heart has been heavy, almost despairing.
The news we got two weeks ago about the need for a transplant, the risks of relapse, the options, the side effects, the possibilities have clouded my mind with such dread. My heart is heavy within me. I cannot speak; I can not pick up the phone. I wish I could erase all this information from my mind and live as if it never happened. I want to go and take her from the hospital and never go back. I want to believe that it’s all over. She looks so well. She acts so strong. How can they possibly be right? How can my precious daughter have Leukaemia? Surely it’s all just a bad dream.
I try to make sense of the things I believe God has called me to do with my life. I want to let my light shine but there is none left in me. I have no light. I have no hope. As my heart sinks heavy in my belly I see a vision of the full moon resting on the ocean. When the sun has set I drive to my favourite look out. I am sure that it will be there to bring me hope but tonight it’s not there. So I get out of my car, because it should be there and I turn around looking up. “Where is the moon? Where is the moon?” I whisper. I can see the distant lights of fishing trawlers out at sea. I can smell the fragrant sauces cooking across the road at the Asian Takeaway, I can feel the evening chill on my cheeks, I can hear the waves crashing on the sand, I can almost taste the salt of the sea but I cannot sea the moon. Has it sunken into the ocean of despair as well?
Isaiah 30:26 & 29
“Moreover, the light of the moon will be like the light of the sun, and the light of the sun will be sevenfold, like the light of seven days [concentrated in one], in the day that the Lord binds up the hurt of His people, and heals their wound [inflicted by Him because of their sins].
You shall have a song as in the night when a holy feast is kept, and gladness of heart as when one marches in procession with a flute to go to the temple on the mountain of the Lord, to the Rock of Israel.”
“You are Clair de la lune – light of the moon.” I hear the Holy Spirit whisper. My knowledge of French is very limited but I know the tune. I have taught music to children for long enough to know this gentle lullaby. Then suddenly I ask my Father, “Does the moon create light, or does it reflect it?” And I hear His thunderous laugh. I feel his gentle arms caress me, like He has been telling me all along. “Let go and let me, carry her. Lean on me, lean not on your own understanding. Do not let your heart be troubled. I have overcome the world. Be still and know that I am God.”
Yet I feel the responsibility is all mine. Mine to be brave, mine to shine, and mine to create opportunities. Earlier in the week a friend sent me this passage but it made no sense until now.
Isaiah 45:5-9
“I am the Lord, and there is no one else; there is no God besides Me. I will gird and arm you, though you have not known Me,
That men may know from the east and the rising of the sun and from the west and the setting of the sun that there is no God besides Me. I am the Lord, and no one else [is He].
I form the light and create darkness, I make peace [national well-being] and I create [physical] evil (calamity); I am the Lord, Who does all these things.”
Who am I to question God? Who am I to think I can make a difference? My responsibility is to trust, to yield, to surrender and obey. I can’t create the light. I can’t even reflect it not unless I spend time with the ‘sun’. It is in His hands and He will deliver me.
Genesis 1:16-19
“And God made the two great lights- the greater light (the sun) to rule the day and the lesser light (the moon) to rule the night. He also made the stars.
And God set them in the expanse of the heavens to give light upon the earth, to rule over the day and over the night, and to separate the light from the darkness. And God saw that it was good (fitting, pleasant) and He approved it.”
In His perfect timing, we will reflect His glory; he will give us government over darkness. Our light will shine because it is His reflected glory. It has nothing to do with my greatness and everything to do with him.
We are created in God’s image to shine for Him. We are formed to bring light into dark places. It is “not by might, not by power but by His Spirit” that enables us. As we cry to the Lord, He will say ‘Here I am.’ He takes us away from the yoke of our oppression. It is He who “causes our light to rise in darkness, our obscurity to be like noon. God guides us continually, satisfying us in drought making strong our bones. We will become like a watered garden and like a spring whose waters fail not. Our ancient ruins shall be rebuilt and we will be called Repairer of the Breach, Restorer of Streets to Dwell In.” (Isaiah 58: 9-12; paraphrased).


Filed under light

11 responses to “Clair de la lune

  1. Josh Kelsey

    You are amazing Clair!!! You have the light of the world inside of you. Thought of this scripture as I read your blog… I think your blog should be called

    Isaiah 60:
    19 The sun will no more be your light by day,
    nor will the brightness of the moon shine on you,
    for the LORD will be your everlasting light,
    and your God will be your glory.

    20 Your sun will never set again,
    and your moon will wane no more;
    the LORD will be your everlasting light,
    and your days of sorrow will end.

    21 Then will all your people be righteous
    and they will possess the land forever.
    They are the shoot I have planted,
    the work of my hands,
    for the display of my splendor.

    22 The least of you will become a thousand,
    the smallest a mighty nation.
    I am the LORD;
    in its time I will do this swiftly.”

  2. Jane Grover

    It’s me again xx one of my favourite lines in the wonderful bible Clare is in John 15 vs 5
    “apart from me you can do nothing” it is my constant prayer of thankfulness to my God, apart from you Lord I can do nothing, let me always remember this my God, that apart from you I can do nothing.
    Clare I am glad you posted this blog today, you are brave and honest what greatness He has put in you, you said to me you would keep writing for me and you have!!!!!
    its ok, even liberating for ourselves & others to know that you have moments/days/weeks where you are despairing.
    Why do we (including me, especially me) need to always appear so strong? Why as we live as believers do we think we can’t be weak or hopeless? Didn’t we take on God,s offer of salvation a free gift, because we are weak and hopeless??? isn’t HE our saviour because we are unable to make it on our own, doesn’t the bible say that when we are weak HE is strong, didn’t Paul say that I will boast of my weaknesses for then Christ’s power may rest on me…….Clare I am weak too, some days I despair, some days I feel hopeless & discouraged, my greatest weakness in this life is I often slip into the trap that I can do it in my own strength……….my greatest moments of seeing God’s intervention in the 20yrs I ve walked with Him, have been the moments after I fell apart, cried my eyes out, in essence gave up and thought I could no longer be strong and then…………… in He came like a flood, without judging, without finding fault, gently & patiently He picked me up again & again & again, (and no doubt He will have to do it again & again & again for the rest of my earthly days) so whether I am having a strong day or a weak one, everyday I must remember & rely upon “apart from me you can do nothing”.
    I love you Clare weak or strong, faithfilled or hopeless, shining as a light before men or siitting in a room on your own with no light at all, how much more does your heavenly Father love you and whisper again to you Be still and Know I am God and in my case Be still and please let me be God please Jane!!

  3. Bronte Waller

    Clare, you are incredible…thank you for windows into all this. I can’t possibly imagine even a day on your journey…yet day after day after day month after month after month you do shine on…even on those days you think you aren’t…you do…can the light choose not to shine? You shine because of all that is in you. Our God is good and is faithful. You are incredible.

  4. Simone Stewart

    Clare, your truely remarkable xx

  5. Jo Barrett

    Tried so hard to respond last night…then blog went AWOL…so glad you re-posted…you shine because He is in you…when you wake each morning you shine…when you walk another day holding Sam’s hand you shine….when you sit hour after hour and don’t go evil nurse with a knife you shine…you shine when you long to be at home helping Jack with an assessment…you shine little star in the dark universe (Phil 2:15)… you shine even from the distance that I watch and pray and ache for you…when you are weary and lie down you shine because He is within you restoring and ministering and strengthening you for the next step…rest in Him xx

  6. Pam Borrow

    Clare – you are truly a woman of God walking through the greatest of trials- and you continue to inspire and encourage, and teach us all as you go through it.
    You are remarkable.

  7. Clare ,we have known you all your life, you have always been a person of faith’ when you were a very little girl I remember (Rev) Huw Voss saying the Lord has his hand on this child and He does Love Mam and Dadxxxxxxx

  8. Wendy Gilbert

    Dearest Clare.

    You have described what we have all felt, in much lesser circumstances might I say. Your beautiful honesty and humility is refreshing. I am not sure where we got this idea that we were meant to have it all together, especially considering we needed a saviour in the first place.

    Your faith is inspirational. Please don’t despair. We are all standing with you. You are definitely not alone. When you can’t believe – we will will. When you can’t pray – we are praying for you. As Moses could no longer hold his hands up, but for the support around him.

    Exodus 17:11
    As long as Moses held up his hands, the Israelites were winning, but whenever he lowered his hands, the Amalekites were winning.

    Exodus 17:12
    When Moses’ hands grew tired, they took a stone and put it under him and he sat on it. Aaron and Hur held his hands up–one on one side, one on the other–so that his hands remained steady till sunset.

    You are not alone. We will continue to stand with you – until we see GLORY OF GOD. All my love. Wendy

  9. Hi Clare,
    Just wanted to say that Mum and I are reading your blogs. Mum prays for Sam every night. She feels for her so.. Its true that life is not meant to be all rosy. Its great that God carries us when we just can’t any more.

  10. Josiah

    “there will be no more night. They will not need the light of a lamp or the light of the sun, for the Lord God will give them light. And they will reign for ever and ever.” revelation 22:5.
    Love u Clare see u hopefully this arvo

  11. Pingback: New Shoes | Girl on a swing

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